Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
