Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
