too bad you live with your parents still
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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