I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
