You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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