i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
