Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
