Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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