My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
