Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
