ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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