Moan for me like Helen Keller
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
