Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
