Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
