Im at strip club and am horny
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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