K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
