woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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