We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
