being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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