he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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