Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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