I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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