Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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