My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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