I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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