I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
