The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
