That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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