I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
