i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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