I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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