if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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