My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
