Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
