Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
