I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
