Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
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