Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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