Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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