Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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