ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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