My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
