Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
