It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
