Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
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