He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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