I bet he comes in French.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
