i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
