She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
