if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
