your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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