the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
