you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
