she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
