I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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