i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
