You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
