Farmville is her only friend.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
