If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
