My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
