The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
