I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
smell my finger.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
