i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
