i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
