What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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