somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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