After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
