The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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