DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
