At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
