Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
