I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
