Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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