My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
