The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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