Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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