And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize