I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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