who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
