Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
