I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize