Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
