The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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